Lions & Talents & Boats (oh my!)

First blog post. Ever.

Definitely feeling about 20 years behind the curve.

Definitely wrestling with Imposter Syndrome.

Definitely unsure about where this is going…

But I think God winked at me the other day, with a gentle nod and twinkle in His eye, nudging me in this direction. So once again, lyrics to worship songs I’ve clung to in recent years now echo again in my mind, interlaced in a melody that stirs my soul.

I will make room for You to do whatever You want to.

I will build a boat in the sand where they say it never rains. I will stand up in faith, I’ll do anything it takes.

So, come on my soul. Oh, don’t you get shy on me. Lift up your song ‘cause you’ve got a lion inside of those lungs. Get up and praise the Lord.

The common theme? Faith-based action.

You see, I have this unshakeable desire to share my story – well, God’s story – but sitting idle on the sidelines in the name of humility, waiting for a scout to approach me and ask me to demonstrate my athleticism is usually not how it works. (Oh, and if you really know me, you know my “athleticism” is nonexistent given my coordination of a newborn giraffe. But hey, I like a good analogy!)

No, that’s definitely a lie I’ve wrestled with, that if God really, I mean really, wanted to use me in a public speaking or writing avenue, He would just lead someone to me with a proposal or opportunity. I mean, right?

Maybe that sounds silly, but the Enemy is very good at telling lies or twisting the truth – God’s truth – just enough to make you question yourself and hesitate because hesitation is often just as effective as blatant inaction. For example, I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit to write something, but the Enemy swoops in quick to accuse me of being a little too big for my britches if I write about that. Cue the Imposter Syndrome!

But the Holy Spirit doesn’t just sit on the sidelines either.

So back to the “wink.”

When I graduated high school in my small, country town of 2,500 people (yes, total), my 3-minute speech largely consisted of me reading the Parable of the Talents line by line from Matthew’s gospel to my 80 something-or-other fellow graduates. At 18 years old, I didn’t have a ton of wisdom to share, so I borrowed from the best (ahem, Jesus) and tried to encourage my cohorts to use whatever gifts they’ve been given. Quite frankly, I am probably the only person that remembers what was said just 30 minutes after the ceremony was over, much less nearly 15 years later.

But the timeless words of Jesus would indeed resonate with me again just a couple years later.

The summer after my sophomore year of college, I went on a mission trip to Southeast Asia, and during a stop in Chiang Mia, Thailand, I was wrestling with my career choice of mechanical engineering. While I had thoroughly enjoyed studying engineering thus far, I wasn’t sure if maybe pursing a life as a full-time missionary is what God actually wanted for me. I hadn’t really shared these thoughts with anyone else on the trip, but during a devotional time with the full-time missionaries in a small apartment above a pizza shop, a guy spoke on…

Yep, you guessed it.

The Parable of the Talents.

He took it deeper. He highlighted how the Master did not give explicit instructions on how to use the money (talents) the servants had been entrusted with. The point of the parable wasn’t that we should all use our talents (abilities) in the same way but in whatever unique way that God has prepared for you. The missionary even said something to the effect of, “You know, like if you’ve got a brain for engineering, then go be a good engineer. Be an engineer for the Lord.”

After that, I felt true peace in pursing a “secular” career knowing I could still honor God.

Fast forward. I became an engineer, and I’ve been in the engineering world for the better part of a decade now. And it’s been wonderful. I love solving technical problems. I love seeing God’s creativity in understanding how the world works.

But over the last few years with our journey through infertility (much more on that to come), I felt that tug I mentioned at the start of this post to write and share. I’ve wrestled a lot with those whispers that I’m not qualified to write or that no one wants to hear what I have to say.

But then He winked.

Thanks to my amazing husband for pushing me to put myself out there, I gave a draft of something I had written to our teaching pastor just before church a couple of Sundays ago.

The sermon that very same morning?

The Parable of the Talents.

And our pastor took it another step deeper. He put forth the challenge that if you’ve been sitting idle on a gift, it’s

time to stop living in fear like the third servant did and put it to use for the Kingdom.

So here we are. First blog post. Ever.

I don’t know for sure where this is going, but I do know I don’t want to get to the Gates and have to answer for why I buried His gift instead of using it because I was too afraid of failing or sounding silly.

It’s time to make a little more room, build that boat, and let out the Lion.